It seems that as of late I’ve been spending a lot of time going in and out of hospitals visiting people. A few weeks back, my brother Shadowfire was admitted into hospital with appendicitis. Now my Nan is in hospital after having a brain haemorrhage. It’s strange watching how people cope with being sick. Shadowfire was practically climbing the walls to get out of hospital as his internet withdrawels kicked in pretty much immediately. Considering how sick he was, he made a pretty fast recovery in a period of a week, and through sheer willpower of not wanting to spend another minute in hospital, has made a complete recovery. This is the opposite for my Nan. When she had the brain haemorrhage, she lost function in her left arm and leg, and her speech became slurred. Nan is an extremely independent person, and happily lives by herself. She has always said she would rather be pushing up daisies instead of living in Timberbongie (the Narromine retirement home), and fears anything that would prevent her from living an independent lifestyle. Nan sees the limitations in her left side as being an interference, and has flatly vowed to herself not to get better, having convinced herself that her quality of life will never be the same. Her body is getting better everyday, and with rehabilitation, she could be up and moving again in no time. But with her stubborn mentality fixed on dying, her recovery is all but halted. And when it comes down to it, nothing can be done to change the situation but her own willpower.
It always amazes me how powerful the human mind can be. I saw a motivational life coach once, and he told me a story about how his mentor grew his own heart bypass using mindpower. Now that is impressive. They have x-ray proof and everything. I can’t help wondering just how much motivation such a feat would take. I believe a persons potential is limited only by their thought patterns. I am admittedly an unmotivated person. I have no well defined goals, negative self talk, and low self esteem, so my current potential is quite low. Sure, with a big enough kick in the pants and a certain amount of urgency, I can amaze even myself with the tasks I can achieve. Seemingly impossible projects can suddenly appear clear as day with a clearly defined path I must follow, as oppossed to the foggy haze I tend to wander around in normally. I guess the secret to success comes down to motivation. Like how I spent the entire weekend right up until almost 1am this morning working on a server for a client. The motivation? Well an 8am first thing Monday morning deadline. And being unable to deliver and install the system myself, everything had too be working to a point that I could pass the computer onto Eastonroyce to install, and expect everything to just work! But what if I didn’t follow through with the motivation? I would have had to deal with the consequences. In this case, breaking the promise that the server would be ready in time to commence work on Monday, the resulting downtime for the client if the server wasn’t ready, and the risk of damage to our business reputation.
So that seems easy enough. Find a motivation or goal and apply that to life. But you need to be able to reward yourself along the way. But now heres a problem, when your goal and your reward are in conflict, what are you supposed to do? I’ve been thinking hard about what in life motivates me, and the first thing that always comes to mind is food. I find it hard to get excited about anything else, but the mention of chocolate or cake will draw my enthusiasm anyday. If I was a labrador puppy, they would not train me as a guidedog. Guidedogs are trained based on one factor: are they food motivated or people motivated? I am totally food motivated. I’d trip my blind owner over in a rush to get to the food bowl. Hardly companion material. So, in that case, I should be motivated to do anything if you wave a piece of cookies and cream baked cheesecake under my nose. Well, seems good in theory, but for health reasons, food rewards are not the recommended choice. Sure, I may start fulfilling 5 or 6 tasks a day, but I would surely get fat fast. And what happens when your goal is something like “to become fit and healthy”? Then, the reward is not going to work. “Hey I was good today – I did aerobics this morning, walked the dog this afternoon and ate healthy fruit and vegetables all day! I deserve a reward!” *grabs a snickers bar* – hmm not going to work. So why is chocolate or cake such an alluring reward? Its fast, its easily accessible, makes you feel good (temporarily at least). In short – Instant Gratification.
Food almost seems like the perfect reward – except that small problem about getting fat – oh, and the potential to develop a dependence on comfort eating, so it seems that is out of the question. What then, is a potential reward that is quick, cheap, rewarding, and every bit as desireable as a piece of caramel mud cake? You know, I can’t think of anything. And this seems to be where I have problems. How can I get up every morning and find motivation to get through the day, if I have no well defined goals and no way of rewarding myself. I have tonnes of clothes, hardly any friends, and almost no decent social venues to go to (except cafes and pubs. Pubs – yuck, but cafes, yum but oh wait, food, remember?). There is also the little issue about always being broke. *sigh* the problem must be that I am a miserable person and don’t take enough delight in the small things in life.
I guess what I am really truthfully getting at is I have a tendancy to use food to cope with bad situations and to act as a reward, I’m getting fat and I’m already depressed, and what I really need is some alternative ways to cope when I have a triggering event, and, more importantly, be able to reward myself for a job well done. I mean, I can’t exactly avoid a binge episode and reward myself for being successfully diverted by indulging in a chocolate chip cookie can I? And I need to reward myself with something other than a sad feeling of deprevation for eating well and exercising for a day (and no, a good vibe will not satisfy me).
Grr there has to be some sort of solution?
